When Joshua and I got divorced, I had already applied for the dental hygiene program and I had to finish my chemistry class and I would have been done with pre-reqs required for the program. I had started college when Jadyn was born, and I was a very good student. I think it shocked all of us how well I did in college because the blonde is strong ya know! I began working at Johnny Carino’s as the curbside girl and I met a guy we will call Vincent. He was 12 years older than I was, a chef, everyone at work liked him, and he sucked me in quick. Before I knew it, I was in love once again and really had no interest in being a mom because it got in the way of what I was doing and what this man’s desires really were. I couldn’t go stay the night at his house, work long hours, have a meaningful relationship with Vincent AND be a mom. I remember he bought a new car not long after we started dating and he made me take the car seat out of the back before he’d show the guys the ride. He was embarrassed of both of us I think, and Jadyn couldn’t stand him. Not only did Jadyn not like this man, but my family could not stand him, my friends didn’t like him and anyone else that new me could see the changes that were happening. Before long, I had distanced myself from everything I loved, including my precious baby girl. We were of course sexually committed to one another and now looking back, he was most likely sexually committed to several girls at that point. I couldn’t see anything but love/sex. He was awful to me. He did what he wanted and never ever took my feelings or emotions into consideration when making any kind of decisions. My family was begging me to end things, but I was convinced they just weren’t giving him a fair shot. By October, I was pregnant again with Isabella. I was getting married with baby on the way once again. He decided it was time to leave Farmington, so we got married in March and moved to Albuquerque May 12th. I was 8 months pregnant with Isabella, but it didn’t matter to him. I packed the entire house by myself and then unloaded the entire house when we arrived. He was off to his new job and life at Garduno’s and me and Jadyn were to fend for ourselves in a brand new, foreign place. Now I want to share stories that will set the stage for what life was really like for us the next 7 years, but we don’t have a million days with one another, so I will share the ones that introduce you to the control so bear with me. From the time we moved, he left early in the morning and didn’t come home for hours after he got off work and always chalked it up to paperwork. On his days off, he would sleep until 10-11, leave for the “gym” and stay there until about 3-4 then come home and take us to dinner. There were times he hadn’t had enough time at the “gym”, so he would go back when we got home from dinner. I say gym, but I bet her name was really Sylvia or Jessica. (EYE ROLL) I went in on June 24th to have Isabella and while my feet were still in stirrups, the man was trying to leave the hospital. They transferred us upstairs where he slept in the bed next to me through feedings and first night jitters. Around 9am the next morning my dad arrived back at the hospital and Vincent was running home to shower and change. At FIVE PM that man walked back through the door to the hospital because when he got home he decided to go workout at the “gym”. I’ve seen my dad angry a time or two, but that moment sticks out in my mind. I had been left at the hospital for the entire first day. This is one of those times that isn’t much fun to admit or to write but I know I am not the only one who has lived under the grip of another human being. When we got home from the hospital, by day 3, Vincent was demanding sex. Now if you have had a baby or your wife has had a bay, you know that for obvious medical reasons, you cannot have sex for 6 weeks after baby is born. When he wanted something, he would stop talking to me for days and demand I was having an affair. He knew that was the one thing that would make me crumble, and this time was no different. When Isabella was just days old, Vincent and I had sex. It was the most painful and horrific memory I have of that man and I cried through the entire thing. The mean statement he said to me when he had finished is just to much, even for this blog. The doctor questioned me at my check up, and I assured her I gave consent because as his wife, my job was to protect him. She in turn assured me I would have major bladder issues and she was right. My aunt and my mom both came to visit when we lived in Albuquerque and both have since told me they prayed all night long in bed and cried most of the way home because they were so afraid of the conditions we were living in. The next 12 months weren’t any different. It was pure chaos, anger and rage. The girls and I had no access to money, no friends, no life outside the 4 walls of our home and a husband and dad that we had grown afraid of. The sound of the garage opening sent chills up my body and sadness through my sweet Jadyn’s eyes. His words were cutting and loud. I knew he wasn’t ever going to do anything that didn’t benefit him, even if it meant hurting us. But I certainly had leanred not to enrage him by asking. I don’t want you to miss the next 6 years, so I will leave you here today. My hope for today is this. IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW is in an abusive marriage or relationship, begin the conversation with them immediately about getting together a plan to get out! Pray with them and let them know you love and care!
Until Next Time-