“No matter how deep your failure, if you return home to God through Christ, he will heal your wounds, clothe your nakedness, restore your sanity, and welcome you home with singing.” Far too may times, we get so wrapped up in the moment that we forget that our choices we make now will impact our future greatly. My biggest obstacle as an adult has been to forgive myself for the sin I have committed against my own body. Beth Moore once said, “Everyone’s got baggage some just pack it in Louis Vuitton and others in trash bags!” I love that so much because we all have our stories and our struggles but for me this has been the biggest one.

One of my very favorite days I present in schools, I take in two wedding dresses and one is perfectly untouched while the other is trashed. It has many different colors of paint, it is torn, it has words written all over it like shame, regret, sexual sin, heartache, and guilt. The question that I ask is, “how do you want to arrive at the altar?” When I present this is classes, kids are hanging on to every single word I have to say as though their next breath depends on it. What I hope they realize is their future marriage does depend on it. It is as though they are hearing such harsh reality for the first time in their entre lives and for some of them, their virginity has already been compromised. My favorite part of the entire presentation is at the end, the trashed dress is flipped “180 degrees” (hint anchor 180) and the back of the dress is completely spotless and untouched. The point is that our choices of today effect our tomorrow but even after we have crossed the line that we know we shouldn’t be walking near, there is redemption in GOD! There is an everlasting supply of Gods grace, mercy, forgiveness and love. Our past and what it is filled with does not matter to him if we repent, take the 180 and move in the opposite direction.

Even though we worship an amazing God that loves us in spite of our sin, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t repercussions for our choices. It doesn’t mean that if you rob the bank, you won’t do the time. It doesn’t mean that if you get caught dealing drugs, you won’t go to prison or if you cheat on your spouse you won’t get divorced. All of those are fair repercussions from the choices we make because of free will. The repercussions of sexual sin outside of marriage is struggling with sex inside of marriage. Sex started for me as a 5-year-old child. It was immediately registered as negative. I took that a step farther and used sex all the way through my teen and adult life to get what I wanted. I pinned that as my value and worth to others. I used it to obtain love from others and sometimes to get financial help. I used it freely and openly with whoever I wanted, and it became something that was always harmful to my body!

About a week after I gave birth to Isabella, my ex-husband Vincent forced me to have sex and it was one of the most painful experiences I can remember. It was as though everything that had started to heal was torn apart all over again. Sexual abuse and sexual sin (cheating, porn) are possible inside a marriage and I know that all to well. See, what God gave us as the greatest gift to share with that one person we marry, Satan uses as his biggest ploy. Satan flaunts sex in front of us constantly and disguises it as our worth to others. Everything including music, movies, tv, social media and school pushes sex in our faces. When we have kids who are 9,10,12-year-old and they are already addicted to porn and wanting to have sex, their marriages are going to suffer. When children begin dealing with sexual activity long before they are ready, their future marriages and spouses often pay the price.

Satan’s biggest goal? That we have a lot of sex outside of marriage so that we have no sex inside of marriage. What faster way to break apart a marriage than to remove the intimacy? Yes, I really believe that sex glorifies God when used properly inside a marriage bed. Sex for me has always been negative and now I am married to a man that I absolutely adore more than anything else in this world and sex doesn’t make sense there. Why would you combine Love with sex? See how backwards it becomes? This is the problem with sin. God created boundaries on all things and when we don’t abide by his plan, we sometimes suffer down the road.

Sex has become easier the more I have prayed and asked God’s forgiveness and healing over my mind and body. It has slowly moved from “just sex” to truly making love the more I have realized I am safe in my surroundings. That this man I married to isn’t going to hurt me or use me. I must make a physical effort to let the pain go and to just be. I know without a doubt I am not the only person who is struggling with this very topic because oddly enough this blank stare I was blessed with on my face screams confidant apparently and people talk to me about these kinds of things. (HAHA) Sweet friend if you are reading this and thinking “OH MY WORD I am so embarrassed to talk about this, but this is my life”, please know that there is NO boundaries on God. You can be healed and the more you pray and forgive yourself, the easier it becomes. Sex is so powerful and can leave such trauma when misused. YOU ARE NOT WEIRD OR GROSS! You are not alone and more than anything, you are truly forgiven and loved.

Oh, this life is so unfair sometimes but the greatest blessings we can give our own children and those around us that we can influence, is to truly pray with them and talk to them about their choices, futures, their marriages and how they want them to look. The laziest answer I hear from parents that is so upsetting to me is, “they aren’t doing anything I didn’t do.” Well hot damn! From where I am standing, we could have all done better. Don’t you want the very best for your kids and the kids that you are blessed enough to influence? We owe it to the people around us to be truthful and to warn them that the choices of today will absolutely impact their tomorrow.

God healed leprosy, the crippled, dead and weak! He WILL ABSOLUTELY heal our marriages and our love lives when we repent and turn from the sin that we have committed. He is so faithful when we are faithful to him. He is strong when we are weak. He is love when we feel unloved. He is pure when our purity is lost, and he is the healer of all our trauma! He is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end! I pray for strong, God centered marriages for all of us and for our next generation because if Satan can destroy our marriages, he wins the grand prize!




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  1. Gut punch. THERE ARE NO AGE LIMITS. Satan came to destroy all who foolishly think…not me, I can handle it. I cant forgive me…how can God? He is sovereign…we ate not greater than God…let’s stop striving and allow God to heal our brokeness…

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