Dear Precious Girl,
I know you get sick of people always telling you all the things you shouldn’t be doing. I know you think that all of us are old and our main goal in this lifetime is to make sure you have a miserable childhood with absolutely no fun. You assume that we don’t understand how things are “these days” because when you insist you are “IN love” we roll our eyes and warn against going too far. The boy you are dating now may actually be the one and you cannot understand why you wouldn’t plan accordingly. Sex? Is that even a question? You are IN LOVE after all. You weren’t made to be perfect and you will learn as you go. I know you wish we would sit back, allow you to make the mistakes and leave you alone. The problem is that we care too much to do so.
I am old in your eyes, but the truth is we are only about 15 years apart. My high school class graduated only 14 years ago. There is a good chance your math teacher or PE coach was mine as well. Things haven’t changed that much since I was in your shoes. Maybe you have a few new songs on the radio or some new words that honestly, I think are ridiculous, but the way your heart and souls are wired hasn’t changed one bit.
I will be honest! I was a know it all and stubborn as hell. I didn’t want to listen to a single person about anything. Matter of fact, if someone said NOT to, there was a good chance I was going to! Sex was what you did when you had a boyfriend and although I knew that protection was a good idea, it didn’t always happen. I had dreams and aspirations as I am sure you do as well to go to college and party it up with the best. I missed out on those opportunities because I was a mom by September of my sophomore year.
Although missing out on all that fun was quite the bummer, that isn’t what I want to talk to you about today. One day, believe it or not, you too will be “old”, and you will have to look your 32-year-old self in the mirror. You will meet the man of your dreams and you will get married and start a family. There is one really important fact that this world leaves out when they are shoving sex down your throat. They forget to mention that every single person you have sex with, gets a part of your soul that you will never get back. They forget to tell you that if you give yourself away to everyone before you get to “THE ONE”, that sex could become difficult for you. There will be so much emotional and soulful disruption that you will struggle in the bedroom. I know what you are thinking “Not me” as I would’ve demanded at your age as well. Oh, precious one draw near to me today and listen closely. I am sharing the most intimate part of my life in the desperate hope that you will make such healthier decisions for yourself and for your future husband.
God knows that if we do it his way, that sex inside marriage will be off the hook in a way you could never dream of having right now. Satan on the other hand, knows that if we can have a lot of sex outside of marriage, we will struggle with sex inside of marriage. Your teenage self thinks sex is just an action that tells your partner you care about them. The adult you will realize that you were doing more than “just having sex.” You were giving away a piece of yourself each and every time. At the end of the dating road where you will run into your husband, will you even have anything else to give? If we don’t get this right, you may have to look that person in the eye and have one of the most difficult conversations with them. Men are wired differently than you and I and one of the greatest ways they are empowered and reassured of our love for them is through the intimacy of sex.
Can you imagine being married to the man of your dreams? Girlfriend Listen to me! I am not talking about the boy you have a thing for right now. I am talking about the long list of qualities you desire in man wrapped into an actual human being. Can you imagine having to tell him that you absolutely adore everything about him…BUT… you struggle with sex? Not because of anything he has done but because you didn’t find value in waiting for him. I pray every single day that the healing of my body would no longer stay external but that every inch of my heart and soul could be made new by my lord and savior. This isn’t a small issue that only I have struggled through but one I hear time and time again from women.
See, you were created by a God who thinks you are more precious than jewels. He knitted you together PERFECT in his image. He did not create any of us to be used as a sex mill and to have and to hold through every single relationship we enter. He created sex for our pleasure but because we live in a world that does not cherish sex and certainly doesn’t find importance in marriage, we have lost sight of how precious this gift we call virginity truly is.
I am not sharing this with you because I want to scare you or shame you. I want to share this with you because on the phone with one of my dearest friends the other day, I muttered through tears rolling down my face the words “I wish I would’ve known.” I so wish I could go back to my teen years not to experience the rest of high school, prom, college and travel but so that I could honor myself and my future spouse with my body! I had no idea the damage I was doing every time I was having sex with a different person. I am a daughter of the most high king and I am also the wife to the most precious man on this entire planet. A man that I quite honestly still do not know how I ended up with. I love him more than words could describe but I struggle daily to prove that with my actions.
As I write this through tears today, my hopes and my prayers for you are that you reconsider what you are willing to sacrifice today so that you don’t have to sacrifice later. I pray that you truly begin to see your value and your worth in God and not in men. Sex is awesome, and it was created to glorify God in marriage. DO NOT give into Satan’s lies. It will be so hard to wait but girl I promise you that not only will your future spouse thank you, but your future SELF will thank you. This isn’t just an abstinence issue today, but could become your marriage issue years down the road as well. You are truly such a gift. Don’t let anyone unwrap that until its time. Wouldn’t it be awesome to one day look that man in the eyes and tell him that you had no idea who he would be or when you would get to meet him but that you valued your marriage with him so much that you waited for him?! I don’t know the feeling, but I can only imagine how incredible that moment would be. HE IS WORTH IT, and SO ARE YOU!!
Lord I pray for every single girl who reads this letter. Young and old that they would know their value and their worth. That instead of searching for it in the next man, they’d spend time getting to know you instead. I lift up their future marriages and spouses that they are so filled with love and wholeness. God thank you for giving me my testimony so that I can share your unending love and grace with others. Only you could turn pain into purpose and ashes into beauty. Become so real to each one of them so they cannot deny the love you so desperately want to give. Thank you, God, for all your blessings and all your love! ~Amen
Redeemed and Still Healing,