Have you ever desired something so bad but every single piece of your being just knew it was not going to happen? This last weekend, I experienced a healing that only God could have orchestrated. When I moved here in 5th grade, I essentially cut off my right arm which was my moms’ side of the family. What they were being told and what had happened were very different which put a gap the size of Texas between us. There was lies and deceit that covered truth and unknown.
I moved here over thanksgiving and I was supposed to go visit that same Christmas. It was too close; I was too afraid, and the risk was too much. I decided on my own I didn’t want to go to my grandparents to visit because I was afraid of the questions and the backlash as to what had happened and what was unfolding in front of us.
Several years past and I started visiting San Antonio once a year in the summer. My mom, sister, grandma, aunt and cousin would fly in and I would stay at another aunties and cousins house. I have this cousin who is a year older than me and we were so close growing up. You can’t imagine the trouble him and I used to get into. We always made a huge mess and even broke some furniture, but we would laugh until we cried the entire time, we were together. I always loved visiting him and his momma each summer but there was always a tension because they still had unanswered questions. They wanted to know what had happened. It was like I was on one side and they were on the other.
As I get older, I think about how horrific it would be to get that kind of news about someone in my family and the millions of questions I would want answered. At the time, I wanted all the division to go away so that life could continue as it once was. I wanted to just be a kid and I wanted the thoughts in my head to be less complicated. It had only been a few months after leaving one summer that I became pregnant with Jadyn. I went from sleeping in and being a kid at their house to them attending my wedding. From that point forward, it was all so different.
I was now at a totally different place in life once again and everyone else was still making plans for their future. I could no longer travel when I wanted to visit family because I was a teen mom. As my life unfolded, the distance between me and that side of the family continued to grow further apart once again. It was that same separation I experienced all those years ago when I moved to Farmington. Years passed and all I saw was pictures of them together for different events and milestones reminding me that I had missed out on so much with one half of my family.
In Godly fashion, this last weekend, my family traveled to El Paso to celebrate my granddaddy’s 95th birthday. Every single cousin, aunt and uncle was there. Some of them I had not seen since childhood. As I moved throughout the house catching up with everyone, I could catch glimpses of my kids and husband having great conversations and really getting to know people who had meant so much to me. The thoughts flooding my head were suddenly not so complicated and the joy in heart was overflowing.
As the night was coming to an end and we got ready to leave, the tears began to fall off my face. For the first time in years, for this short moment in time, it was as though no time had passed at all. Like that bond that we had years ago had been restored back to where we had left it. Of course, there were tears of sadness that I was saying “until next time” but even more there were tears of joy that I was experiencing the moment of being able to embrace each one of them again. I had longed for that moment that we would be together again on the same side since I was a child.
It is only because of the grace of our precious father in heaven, it finally happened. He is in the business of Healing and restoration Y’all! Do you believe that? Maybe you are praying for restoration of relationships or of a human being. I know because I have seen it and experienced it in my own life that there is no person, no sin, no situation that God doesn’t have the power to heal. “For who is God except the lord? Who but our God is a solid rock? God is my strong fortress, and he makes my way perfect” (2 Samuel 22:33). Lean on the solid Rock and let him make your path straight. I am continuing to expect healing and so looking forward to the process of rebuilding these precious relationships. PRAISE GOD!! (SEE INSTAGRAM OR FB FOR PICTURES OF OUR VISIT)
With a Full heart,