Seasons come and season go. They all bring different colors and views outside our window . Life is no different. As we journey through each step of each day, the seasons and views change. As I have grown in God, the seasons have been less predictable and more daring. Scarier yet so much more exciting. Today I find myself in a completely different season with a much different view outside my window than I was looking at just a few months ago.
I have not been on social media for over a month and don’t plan on getting back on for some time. The truth is, I am feeling a sense of peace and comfort that only God himself can bring. I started school in July, and I knew that would add some crazy to our lives but something else was happening behind the scenes that I was not as willing to face head on.
When I founded Anchor 180, I was ready to light the world on fire. I had a mighty personal testimony and a passion for people that I wanted to share with everyone I spoke to. We launched and off we went. we were in schools, churches and things seemed to be going as planned. I am a visionary and I was eager to grow a ministry but in every board meeting, I kept saying “there is something else were missing” but I could not pinpoint what it was. I struggled about a year in with not being able to speak about God in schools because time after time, I would sit down and have these heart to hearts with these kids and in my hand I had the ONLY answer of what would change their lives forever but I had boundaries around what I could share.
People would say, you can talk about God without saying God or sharing God. I knew what they meant but I could not share me without focusing on HIM! Can you imagine if Paul would have walked around telling everyone that there is hope and there is more but then never told anyone what or who God was? I am so grateful there is people who can do it because we have a need for that so badly, but I just can’t! I spent nights and days praying and asking God what in the world he wanted me to do with Anchor 180 and as I would sit down to write or research for new curriculum to take to these students, I almost physically could not do it. I would sit here and stare at my computer for twenty or thirty minutes and then I would pray and shut my computer. Repeatedly this would happen.
Then in October, Jason and I went to Dallas and while we were there a dentist office reached out and offered me a job that would be perfect hours, pay and co-workers. At first, I said no because I had Anchor 180 but after a day, I messaged back and asked them to give me until Monday to pray about it. We were driving on the freeway and I looked over at Jason and I said, “I am taking that job and I dissolving Anchor 180 for the time being until I finish school.” (Thank God I have the best husband) He just gently put his hand on my leg and said, “I will support you in whatever you do.”
I came home, accepted the job and dissolved the board of Anchor 180 as of now. I knew I had to step out and look back in before I could hear or see what God was saying. I deleted my social media because I go to work, come home to do homework and then run kids around until 8-9pm. This is going to be a season of quiet time, prayer, family, self-evaluation, and finding that God made JOY with zero distractions!
The bottom line is this! I have arrived at a place that I love my testimony because it makes me who I am and has given me some of the most amazing opportunities. It is where I have grown to have so much compassion and love for people. BUT…BUT!! I love God so much more and I don’t want to waste an entire lifetime telling people about my mighty testimony when I could be telling them about God’s mighty testimony! I will share where it is needed but I don’t want to talk about me anymore. I want to teach others of the love and grace of GOD!
I have a year and half to be quiet and seek the doors that God has for us and I am going to take a sabbatical and enjoy every minute. I hope that somewhere along the way, I inspired you to do something you thought you couldn’t do or to love God more than you did before. I will be back one day, and I have had a BLAST engaging and sharing with all of you the last several years. Have the most amazing 2020!! Cheers to what is ahead and hoping that you find that same God made JOY in your life!